Your teen’s time at boarding school has allowed him to learn so much. From learning more independence to learning how to handle his anxiety, stress, and other mental health concerns in a healthy manner. Realizing that he is coming home can fill you with a range of conflicting emotions.
On the one hand, you’re happy to get your teen back home and under your roof. Even if the circumstances surrounding his going to boarding school were tense, you likely still missed him when he was gone. It can also be a time filled with nerves, not knowing what to expect once he gets home.
How has he changed?
How will being home affect him?
How will his siblings react?
Making a plan to try and offset some of the anxiety everyone is feeling can help everyone approach his homecoming with a bit less trepidation.
Speak with his counselors and teachers
The individuals who have spent a significant amount of time with your teen while at boarding school will be a great source of information and advice. Your teen will have confided in them, learned from them, and demonstrated his growth and change to them.
Whether in person or over the phone, a discussion can allow you to discuss some of your concerns and ask your questions. These caregivers and educators can prove to be an excellent resource for you as you get to know the person your teen is today.
Keep your expectations within reason
It’s easy to want to throw a great celebratory party to welcome your teen home. You’ve missed him; his siblings have missed him. You’re happy that he’s back. It’s so important to remember that your teen, while he may have missed you too, could be struggling with his anxiety about returning home.
He may prefer to keep things lowkey when he gets home. No big parties, no celebrations, just a warm welcome back home. Perhaps with his favorite meal prepared for dinner and an evening of watching movies or conversation.
Your teen may wish to retreat to his bedroom for a bit once he gets home. Don’t be too disappointed by this. If he’s feeling overwhelmed, missing his friends from boarding school, and trying to adjust to his anxiety, he may just need this time to regroup. He may also be quiet and not overly chatty during those first few days. This is expected, but it may also pass quickly as he adjusts to life back home.
Discussions with siblings and other family members
Every family member should understand what to expect from your teen when he returns home. They should also understand how he may be struggling with anxiety about being at home. It can be beneficial if everyone in the family has the opportunity to get therapy, to help them learn how to address their anxiety.
You may have another child or teen who feels nervous about their sibling coming home because they could have had a difficult relationship.
Chat with everyone about expectations to ensure that everyone feels supported and heard. Take things day by day. There are likely to be some high-running emotions for at least that initial period of your teen being home.
Ongoing support
Encourage every member of the family to speak honestly and openly. Provide support in the form of being a good listener, an impartial decision-maker, and of course, by ensuring that everyone has access to ongoing therapy.
Individual and family counseling sessions can prove beneficial. They can also help your family learn how to better reconnect after months or more of being divided.
Patience and a calm and steady understanding of how everyone is feeling can help your family navigate this change. Be sure to take care of your own mental wellness needs, whether through self-care or therapy.
