Suicide is one of the leading causes of death in the United States. It is the second-leading cause of loss of life amongst those aged between 15 and 25. The statistics on teen suicide cause concern amongst parents with teens, even if their children don’t fit the standard idea of what depression looks like.
Today, it is the rare teen who hasn’t been touched by suicide in one way or another. Whether it’s knowing someone at school who’s taken their life or perhaps a close friend or family member, the grief and shock can be consuming. How can you help your teen to work through this shocking loss? How can you help your teen see a bright future when struggling to get past this terrible and tragic situation?
Understanding what your teen is feeling
You can certainly understand that your teen is overwhelmed by the sadness of losing someone who meant something to him. But do you know everything that he is feeling?
- Guilt. Survivors' guilt is not just an issue amongst survivors of accidents. Your teen may feel guilty for not knowing their friend was at that low point. He may also have known but didn’t take action. The guilt he feels can be all-consuming.
- Anger. The anger may stem from his inability to help his friend when he needed help the most. Or it might be directed at the friend for taking this action. Your teen may not even know why he’s angry.
- Confusion. Torn between everything he’s feeling, sometimes all at once, it’s understandable that your teen may feel some level of confusion.
- Sadness. Loss is sad. There’s just no getting around that. Your teen’s sadness will be there even when he has processed everything else he is struggling with.
- Regret. Perhaps your teen regrets not telling his friend how he felt about him or regrets not telling someone when his friend expressed suicidal thoughts.
- Lost for answers. Your teen may be trying to find answers to his questions. The reality is that he’s unlikely to get the answers he wants.
You may not understand everything your teen feels. You don’t need to know how he feels, and you don’t need to find answers for your own confusion. All you need to do is to let your teen know that you are listening.
Helping your teen cope
How can you walk side-by-side with your teen after he’s lost someone to suicide? Each situation will be based upon factors unique to your teen and his relationship with his lost friend. Remember that your role is to listen, learn, and allow your teen to take the lead as he processes his grief.
Understandably, you want to support your teen and try to help him get through his grief. But in many situations, teens will see this as you being intrusive. There are a few options you can pursue to show your support:
- Provide your teen with outside support and resources he can access as he feels comfortable doing so. This may come in the form of grief counseling and support groups.
- Speak with teachers and school administrators if your teen is not ready to return to school. There may be a solution to help him avoid falling too far behind in his studies.
- Be a companion and a source of comfort and support. Be nearby when needed but not so close that he feels smothered.
If your teen starts to show signs of anxiety and depression and expresses suicidal thoughts, you must step in immediately. Don’t dismiss even mentions of feeling hopeless or your teen stating that he feels like there is nothing worth living for.
If your teen expresses suicidal thoughts
Your teen shouldn’t be criticized for how he needs to grieve. That said, there are red flags that should mean you intervene. Some of these red flags could include engaging in destructive behaviors to numb what he’s feeling, including the following:
- Alcohol use and abuse
- Drug use and abuse
- Trouble at school
- Reckless sexual behavior
- Antisocial behavior
You could try to help steer your teen towards constructive behaviors so that he can work through his grief. Perhaps through artistic expression, journaling, and speaking with a therapist. Remember that grief is not something that will simply end. It’s not something we can merely move on from and get over.
Instead, it gradually changes with time and becomes something that we accept and live with. Providing your teen unconditional support is vital in helping him work through the grieving process.
Is your teen struggling to find a way forward after losing a friend to suicide? It’s crucial to get your teen the correct type of help as soon as you recognize that there is a problem. At Liahona Academy, we can offer your teen the right support and therapeutic solutions he needs to process his grief and the other feelings he is struggling with.
With a supportive, structured, and nurturing environment, your teen can start to find his way forward.
