If your teen has been acting out, displaying uncharacteristic behavior that has taken a toll on everyone around them, it might be time to consider family therapy.
How can you convince a reluctant and potentially angry teen to join the rest of the family in therapy, though?
If your teen argues with you about even the smallest ask of them, it could be that you’re setting yourself up for a huge argument about them joining the rest of the family for therapy.
The good news is that there are some steps that you can take to help get your teen to see the benefits of counseling, and potentially avoid a blow-up argument.
Setting the right example for your family
One of the best things that you can do for your teen and your family is to set the right example. Going to therapy on your own to work through your concerns can help normalize working on your mental wellness. Normalizing therapy and the process of working through mental health concerns can help to demonstrate to your children and teens that it’s a good thing. It will also help to create an understanding that this level of vulnerability is healthy and should be respected in your family. Going to therapy doesn’t necessarily mean that something is wrong with you. It does mean that you are strong enough to recognize that you need help to grow and learn. After all, we’re perfectly fine with installing updates for our phones and other devices so that they can work better to meet our needs. Our cars go to the dealership for service. We take our pets to the vet for a checkup and booster shots. Taking the time to care for ourselves should be a priority. The sooner you demonstrate this to your family, the sooner they will adopt this mindset for themselves.Don’t wait for a crisis moment
When a teen is in crisis, they are quite often completely on edge. They are unlikely to trust anything or that steps taken are in their best interests. Therapy can also be infused with a range of misconceptions about what happens during a session. Your teen may see that this is just another adult ready to tell them what they’re doing wrong. Normalizing therapy and family therapy before a crisis arises can help your teen better understand how therapy can help him when he is in need. Remember to reinforce to your family that therapy is more about learning how to better communicate with each other. Your family therapist may also offer a one-time session where they meet with just you and your teen. This can help resolve some of those misunderstandings and misgivings that your teen may have about therapy.Remind your teen it’s not just all about them
Teens can often feel backed into a corner when things in the family start to change to address their behavior. Certainly, their acting out contributes to a need for the family to get into family therapy sessions, but it’s not just because of how they have been behaving and acting. I t’s also because any changes or conflict within the family should be dealt with as a family. Their behavior could be having a profound impact on parents, siblings, and even grandparents who live in the home. Family therapy is not going to be an opportunity for everyone to point fingers and blame. It will be an opportunity for everyone to learn more about what they are struggling with as individuals and learn how to best help each other work through these concerns. If you, as a parent, demonstrate to your teen that you’re willing to accept your role in conflicts within the family, you will normalize for them the concept of taking ownership of those things that lead to conflict within the family.Let your teen have some control over the process
Your teen should have individual therapy sessions with his counselor. One with whom he can build a rapport and trust to keep his thoughts confidential. A family therapist can sometimes be a hard sell to a teen who isn’t sure how much he can trust someone who may not keep his thoughts confidential and away from his parents. Family therapy sessions should take a soft approach when sharing information your teen isn’t yet ready to discuss during a session. He needs to know that he will not be forced into speaking about things he’s not confident in just yet. There are some situations where you may need to take a heavier approach to him getting into therapy. Giving your teen some control over the therapy process and what he shares can help him feel more comfortable with it overall. In time, you’ll notice that he may begin to participate and speak up.Explain that family therapy is intended for the famil
Family therapy takes the needs of the family into consideration. This includes approaches for therapy that address the needs of younger children, teens, and adults. A skilled therapist will use an approach that helps connect with every member of the family. It’s also important to reiterate to your teen that the therapist is not there to make decisions for him or the family. They are an impartial party that wants to help address the mental wellness of every person in the family.Negotiation may be an option
If your teen is resisting going to family therapy, you may need to negotiate something with them. Certainly, it would be better if your teen just listened to you and got himself into family therapy with the rest of the family. However, it might be easier to take an approach that involves negotiation in some situations. Let your teen know that if he attends family therapy this week, he may be able to get some of his lost privileges back. Negotiation isn’t always ideal, as some teens will try to see how far they can push. If it means that it’s getting your teen into the valuable family therapy sessions everyone can benefit from; it just may be worth it.Discussions after family therapy sessions
Something that may help your teen, and every member of the family, is to have a wrap-up talk after each session. If your teen can understand how therapy is helping, it just may help him feel more confident about going every week. Ask a few questions to get the conversation rolling:- What important points were brought up?
- What did every member of the family enjoy the most about that session?
- What did they enjoy the least about that session?
- What did they learn about themselves or someone else in the session?
- What would they like to discuss next week?
Leave a Reply