As your child approaches adolescence, there is the want for independence on his part. Being the parent, you want the exact opposite.
You want to know the person they kissed at the corner of the road last night. You want to know how many frat parties they have attended. You want to know about their experiences at school.
You’re not to blame. It is an innate desire of every parent to be involved in their child’s lives every step of the way.
But your children are not opening up to you. They shuffle into their rooms when they hear the familiar hum of the car parking in the driveway. Last night when you pressed your ears close enough to their doors, you overheard them telling someone something about possible sexual assault.
Now, that’s a nightmare no parent would want to dream of.
Getting your teenage child to open up to you about their lives is, undoubtedly, a daunting task that only a lucky few have scaled through. With the constant evolution of the world into a global village –and the introduction of new technology to connect people around the globe- it has become increasingly complex for parents to monitor and assess their children’s lives fully.
Therefore, an inevitable question hangs in the air: how can you –as a parent- get your teen to open up about their lives?
In this article, we will look at ways you can create a close bond with your adolescent child and get them to open up about their lives.
Earn Their Trust
First off, the most important thing is to earn their trust. This may seem daunting at first, but it’s as simple as respecting their privacy when needed and keeping your promises. Treating your child’s emotions, ideas, and even their Air Jordan’s with the utmost care goes a long way in earning your child’s trust.
Set up a family dinner or spontaneous game night during the week, or even go camping for the weekend. While you’re at it, ensure that your child expresses themselves as much as possible, with no inhibitions. Additionally, sharing precious moments with your teenage child as a family is another way of igniting that spark to open floodgates of information from your child.
Taking a drive with your kids is another way to get them open up to you. While you are on the road, give your child the reins over the music playlist. Give your Nickelback CD a break. Explore your child’s music taste, show enthusiasm for what he likes. You might be surprised at the treasure-worthy information you might find.
Laughter. Warmth. Love. The perfect ingredients to that special tight-knit bond!
Show Your Weakness
One very effective way of getting your kids to open up is to show your weaknesses.
Yes! Let your kids see you in your weakness!
Sometimes, you strive for perfection so much that you forget the image you are giving your kids. You have created a Zeus-like image before your kids, one that they start to feel they may not be able to attain.
Let your kids see your weakness. Let them understand that sometimes, it is ok to fall and get up. You give your kids a level playing field with you when you let them see your weaknesses.
Value His Opinions
Let your son pick the next tuxedo for you or give you his opinion about your style! It impresses on your kids that you value their perspective and that you’d listen to them.
Another powerful tool in getting your children to warm up to you is to speak their love language. Leave a letter of assurance on your son’s study table because you know he loves reassurances.
As they say, it’s the tiniest things that matter! ‘Speaking’ to your kids in the ‘language’ they understand might spur that spark between you and them.
Listen More Than You Speak
Furthermore, when dealing with your children, three words are very pivotal:
Silence. Is. Golden.
Sometimes, you feel the need to be heard to air your opinions and feel good about yourself. Sometimes, you want to dish out consequences for your kids’ errant actions without even hearing their side of the story.
Listening to your kids takes a great deal of patience and humility. Your kids don’t know everything and may even spew utter nonsense! They may beat about the bush until your patience wears thin while they think aloud.
But exhale slowly and listen to your kids.
Sometimes, listening to your kids gives the room necessary for your kids’ development, without you having to utter so much as a few sentences. When you decide to keep silent and let your kids express themselves without restraint, you build your respect and trust with them.
Keep in mind that some words are better left unsaid. Constantly rubbing it in your child’s face that you were right in a particular context will strain your relationship with him. Sometimes, unconditional love, open communication with an effort to view things from your child’s perspective can spark a life-long relationship between you and your child.
Finally, as a parent, you can open up on your childhood without crossing boundaries. Letting your kids in on parts of your life that you cherish and deem sacred can strengthen the bond between you and your kids.
In conclusion, constant words of encouragement, warmth, and love that respect boundaries and privacy would maintain a healthy relationship between you and your kids and get them to open up to you.
Therapy and getting your teen a fresh start in a new environment can also be helpful. At Liahona Academy, we focus on treating your teen as a complete person. We do not simply treat mental health concerns.
