Growing up isn't easy, and children of all ages act out. But while temper tantrums are common among younger children, they tend to get less severe and less frequent as kids approach adolescence. Unfortunately, as children become teenagers, a new set of alarming and more destructive behaviors can rear up, leaving parents scrambling to figure out what to do.
Early parental intervention is essential when typical teenage angst becomes potentially dangerous behavior.
In this article, we will explore the warning signs, some helpful techniques you can begin practicing immediately, possible causes, and how to know when to consider professional behavioral therapy for your child if they are spiraling out of control.
The Signs
It can be challenging to tell the difference between a teen going through a rough phase with the strong emotions that just come with being a teen and a child starting to go down a dangerous path. But some telltale risky behaviors can signal that your child needs extra help.- Drinking or drug use - There's nothing unusual about a child drinking their first beer or trying marijuana as a teenager. But curiosity at a party once or twice is a far cry from the regular use of drugs or alcohol by a teenager. Substance abuse can start surprisingly early in life, and many teens turn to self-medication through drugs and alcohol to deal with underlying emotional disorders.
- Shoplifting - Stealing is a common way that teens act out. Sometimes, it can be a misguided attempt to impress their friends or a way to rebel against authority, but it can also be a cry for help or a behavioral disorder.
- Self-harm - Teens (and adults) sometimes resort to physically harming themselves in an attempt to deal with incredibly intense emotions. But keep in mind that suicidal thoughts do not necessarily accompany self-harm. Self-harm is commonly referred to as non-suicidal self-injury or NSSI. But this is still a serious sign of someone with a severe emotional disorder who needs outside help.
- Skipping school - Cutting class regularly, especially for teens who haven't had academic issues before, can be another sign of a child with a behavioral disorder.
- Spending time with the wrong crowd - Running with the wrong crowd can have a lot of overlap with problems like substance abuse, skipping school, and shoplifting. Troubled teens can often find solace in connecting with other troubled kids, which can quickly escalate disruptive behaviors as they feed off of each other.
- Extreme isolation - Many teens with untreated emotional problems will withdraw from family and friends almost entirely. This isn't to be confused with the moody teen who goes through periods of just spending time in their room alone at home. Some periods of isolation, especially from parents, are regular in teen development. But children who disconnect entirely themselves from even their friends are exhibiting behavior that can snowball and be a sign of (or lead to) low self-esteem and depression.
- Violence - This is perhaps the most obvious sign of a teenager spiraling out of control. Teens who are demonstrating violent behavior need immediate help from a mental health professional, preferably one who specializes in treating teenagers.
What You Can Do
If you suspect your child might be starting to get out of control, there are some time-tested techniques you can use to help:- Set boundaries - Setting clear boundaries, or "house rules," can effectively provide structure for difficult teens. The best boundaries are reasonable, logical, and consistently enforceable. If your household hasn't had clear rules before, explain that this will be how things are moving forward and be ready to enforce them immediately.
- Listen without judging - Practice listening to your teen without interruption, interrogation, or reaction. Let them feel that it's a safe space when they talk to you. You don't have to agree with what they are saying, and of course, you can ask questions for clarity, but they must know they are being fully heard and loved. Parents who can do this are more likely to harbor trust with their teenage kids and have a better chance to protect them and help steer them away from trouble.
- Use your peer support system - Make a habit of connecting with the parents of other teens. Sharing experiences and learning what learning hasn't worked for other parents is a valuable tool and lets youth know that they are not alone. If you don't already have other parents of teens in your social network, several online resources can help connect you with other parents with similar struggles.
- Try to find common ground - Many parents have difficulty connecting with their kids once they are too old for things like trips to the playground and bedtime stories. It's only natural for children's interests to evolve, and the teen years can see a drastic shift as they go through many social and physical changes. But if you can keep up with what your child is into, you may be surprised to find some common interests that can help you stay connected and keep them on the right path. Whether it's being a fan of the same sport, liking the same outdoor activities, watching similar movies or TV shows, or reading the same type of books, there may be more opportunities for common ground than you think.
Pinpointing Root Causes
It can be hard to pinpoint the root causes of behavioral issues with teens without help from a trained professional, but there are some common root causes:- Depression - It's estimated that one in five adolescents suffers from depression at some point during their teen years. Negative emotions can become magnified during these years, which can lead to feelings of hopelessness. Depression can manifest itself in several dysfunctional behaviors.
- Anxiety - Anxiety and depression often go hand in hand, as one can lead to the other, but they are separate conditions. The teenage years are filled with new social and academic pressures. When these pressures are coupled with the changing brain chemistry and hormones a teen is going through, it's natural to feel solid and scary anxieties that one might have never experienced before without knowing how to cope with them.
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